By Nicole DePalma MS, LMT

In last week’s issue of our Hastings Journal, the topic of this column was about creating new behavior patterns, or habits if you will, to move us toward goals and outcomes that we wish to accomplish. We looked at creating goals that are important to us, and knowing why those goals are important to accomplish. Then we discussed developing action steps that would move us to the achievement of those goals. I’d like to take this concept a step further, to “fine tune” it if you will, and share with you two very important methods of making thought and behavior changes “stick” for the long run.

In my business as a fitness trainer, people work with me for various reasons, but often times weight loss is an issue Clients wish to tackle in the time we spend together. Even though I’m going to be using “weight loss” as an example, the two methods of change can really apply to anything we may be wanting to make a course correction on.

In last week’s article, I wrote that it takes approximately 30 days or so to have a new behavior pattern become a habit, or automatic behavior. I then wrote that the 40 days and 40 nights of Lent is often a period of time that people chose to use to try to get in the swing of doing things in a way that gets from from “point A to point B”. Point B of course being the achievement of the new desired habit. Since the beginning of Lent is fast approaching in February, let’s use the idea of how we talk about what we’ll do during that time. Usually I hear something like, “For Lent, I’m giving up….”. Or, “For Lent, I’m not going to have… ”. Or, “For Lent, I’m not going to…”. Unfortunately, “giving up” something, can mean, “I’m depriving myself of something.”. Another way to look at “giving up” something is to deny yourself something. The problem we can run into here is that giving up, denying, or depriving ourselves of something can make us want it that much more! This can lead to the exact opposite of the behavior that you actually want to have happen!

Here’s a “U-turn” in thought and attitude to get that train back on track: instead of denying yourself something, think of yourself moving toward your goal. Instead of self-talk that sounds like this, “I can’t have desserts.”, change the words to, “Desserts don’t help me get off the weight I want to, so I’ll have a healthier food choice instead.”. You’re not depriving yourself, you’re moving yourself to what you want. Just as you might save money to purchase something that you’d really like to have, you can use the same attitude to get to where you want to go! Basically, you’ve put a positive spin on your thoughts and your behaviors, and gotten rid of the negative selftalk that can get you to decide that the goal you were striving toward was just too much hard or unpleasant work. Nobody wants to think of a behavior change as a chore or a drag, but by turning the negative into a positive, the view you have of a desired result shifts and you progress.

Now, going back to the example of weight loss, that very word “loss” can get us into trouble. Think for a moment about things you’ve lost. For example if you’ve lost a glove, you want to find that glove so you have your pair of gloves again. If you’ve lost an address for a card or letter you’d like to send off, you want to find that address so you can send your mail. If you’ve lost your cell phone, you’re pretty much in a sheer panic until you find it! The point of all this is that the word “lost” has the connotation of something wanting to be found. If I lose something, I’d like to have it back. So, does that mean that if I lose weight, I’d like to find it again? Not really! How about if we chuck the “lose” idea and replace it with the “release” idea? Releasing something has the connotation of letting go, of not holding on, or wishing something to come back to us. If we can release weight, we say farewell to it, and move on and away from it. We can release things we want to let go of, and it takes a new attitude, a new way of looking at things to help us get off that merry-go-round. Now I’m not going to say that this is the “end all be all” of struggling with addictions or difficult disorders. but perhaps a check on our preconceived notions toward behavior change and habit formation can open our eyes to other ways of thinking and behaving.

For a change, it might be fun to think in terms of achieving an outcome instead of denying or depriving. Or we could think of releasing weight instead or losing weight, especially if you don’t wish to “find” it or anything else you want to release again! Sometimes a little “attitude adjustment” can be a fresh start. Cheers.