Making sandwiches great again!

I struck a nerve.

I have hit on a lot of serious topics in this space, especially in the last year.

The column I wrote last week really seems to have opened up the divide we’re experiencing in all of America. When is Congress going to do something about it? I’m going to reaffirm my position on this issue: Dill pickles are better than Bread and Butter pickles.

There’s absolutely no comparison. It’s an issue that seems to have split our readers, or at least the ones who contacted me in the last week.

“My grandma used to make the best Bread and Butter pickles.” “You’re crazy if you think dill pickles are better. It’s not even close.” “I agree. Dill is by far the superior pickle.” “You’ve really opened up a can of worms – or pickles – at our house. My wife and I are split on this one. I’m Team Dill.” The list goes on and on. Well, actually it doesn’t, but if four people took the time to get in touch on this topic, that’s something, isn’t it?

In my tireless research, I have found that the dill pickle is the original, making their way to America with immigrants in the late 1800s. The bread and butter imposters appeared in the 1920s, making their debut at church dinners. Someone obviously was out of dill, so they threw some garbage in with the cucumbers and had to get rid of it, so it was brought to a potluck.

I’m advocating now that something be done so no one else suffers what happened to me that caused me to dive into this subject: I opened a new jar of pickles, and piled them on the sandwich, only to find they were bread and butter brand. The sandwich went to the dogs, literally.

My wife has since covered up her “crime” and restored my faith in her by making sure a brand new jar of hamburger dills was on the top shelf in the fridge. The bread and butter jar is buried in the back with the leftovers.

My plan to make America better is going to start with a solution that will make sure something like this never happens again. I’m advocating for change. From now on, I think that a little coloring needs to be added to the bread and butter batches. If these pickles are bright blue or even black, no one will ever wreck another sandwich.

Next week, I just may tackle another topic that’s just as serious: If I order mayonnaise on a sandwich, for crying out loud don’t substitute Miracle Whip! That stuff is complete garbage.

Thank you for letting my help make your sandwiches great again!