With all the packages my wife and kids had coming our way over the last couple months – plus a couple of mysterious goings on over the past few years – I made an executive decision to put up a couple outdoor security cameras on the house.

It’s kind of a shame that this is the world we live in. A couple years ago, however, we had a major heist at our home that stings me every time our family gets together. My wife returned home from her family reunion a couple years back. I unloaded her vehicle and left our roaster on our front steps. I was busy and was going to bring it in the house later. That was in August.

Thanksgiving morning, I discovered that a crime had been committed. I thought there were also a couple coolers missing, but my kids were guilty of those heists.

The roaster got legs and has yet to return. A year after that, my wife helped ease my pain at the loss by buying one at a neighbor’s garage sale. It looked like new and was even in the box still, though it was certainly an older model.

The first holiday gathering I was excited to be able to have it available, as we have one of those small built-in ovens, and when you’ve got a big family, it just doesn’t cut it. I decided it would be easier to do the prime rib in the roaster. I let my wife have turkey duties. I hate turkey, and I hate cooking it, and I had to tend to the prime rib in this new roaster. And tend I had to. No matter what that thing was set at, it was as hot as it could get. Within 15 minutes, my prime rib was sizzling, and so was I. If those neighbors hadn’t moved, they were going to get a piece of my mind, and I was ready to demand our $8 back. The prime rib was fine. It went on the grill, and despite the roaster fiasco, a perfect holiday meal was presented – even with the turkey on the table.

We’ve had a couple little acts of vandalism here and there, so in addition to the roaster heist, I thought it would be a good idea to look for security cameras. I found a pair of them for about $75, and I decided to buy them. Actually, I put them in the virtual shopping cart and decided to think it over and forgot about them. My darling bride is always asking me what I want for Christmas, and she obviously tired of my reply: “You’re the only present I need.” Between you and me, it’s kind of more like if she doesn’t buy me anything, I don’t have to buy her anything. That’s what 28 years of marriage is like. She thought I was dropping a hint, and she caught on. Christmas morning, I opened a package, and there were my security cameras. She’s a sly one!

“Oh shoot,” I said. “I was going to have you pick out your present this weekend!” Well, this weekend has turned to the end of January, and with the holiday hustle and bustle, it kind of slipped my mind. I’ll one up her on Valentine’s Day, though, because I know she’s not getting me anything then, and she’s going to get the prize every woman desires. I’ve been pricing the new models, and I think she’s ready to handle a brand-new roaster. Don’t spill the beans!

So, back to the cameras. I have uncovered multiple intruders in my weeks monitoring security at McLoone Manor. They don’t look like they’d steal anything, though. There are three different cats that regularly make the front of our home their nighttime playground. I’m getting soft in my old age because I’m thinking of putting out a little snack for our visitors.