By Bruce Karnick

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The Hastings Area Rotary Club hosts meetings every Thursday morning at the Green Mill in Hastings from 7:308:30 a.m. The meeting starts with the Pledge of Allegiance and a prayer followed by breakfast. At 8:00 each week, a guest speaker uses the final 30 minutes of the meeting with a presentation to the club. Last week’s speaker was Donna Mathiowetz, local inspirational author and speaker.

Mathiowetz explained her journey from mother to author that started when her son Timm was shot and killed at a party as a high schooler, March 6, 1992. Timm’s death turned the Hastings community and the Mathiowetz family’s lives upside down. Hastings became the center of attention for statewide media and at the middle of it were Donna and her husband Richard.

She spoke about how the grief they felt was expressed so differently after the loss of Timm and how they had to learn how they each dealt with it so that it could become a healthy grieving process. During the grieving, the community support was far beyond their expectations. Timm’s death changed Hastings. The tragic loss of a teenager brought out the best in the community, something the Mathiowetz family is forever grateful for. Many of the Rotarians commented on how it was a day they will never forget. People that were around the same age as Timm, and even the ones that were newer or sameaged parents agreed they remember the whole thing.

Mathiowetz shifted gears away from the start of her journey to the lessons she has learned since, lessons she talks about in her books and as part of the grief groups she leads. Grief is different for each person, and grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one. Sure, people grieve over the loss of a loved one, but they also grieve over the loss of a job or other important things in their lives.

One of the biggest things that those grieving have discussed is the “elephant in the room” feeling. People will go through the motions of the idle chitchat type conversations pieces, but they avoid talking about the reason for the grief. When it’s a loved one, they want to talk about them. They want to say their name, it helps keep their memories alive. Avoiding the “elephant in the room” actually makes the situation worse. It makes those grieving feel isolated.

The conversation at the Rotary meeting also covered how there are different groups for different types of grief. A 90yearold widow grieving the loss of her 95yearold husband of 60 years does not feel the same grief as a couple that just buried their toddler or teenager. Yes, both are grieving. Yes both deserve support, but they need different kinds of support and different kinds of resources to cope with the different kinds of loss.

Mathiowetz’s presentation was welldone and ran the gamut of emotions for those in the room, especially those that lived in Hastings in 1992. If you would like to learn more about Donna Mathiowetz, visit www.unfinishedbydesign. com

Donna Mathiowetz shared her story and how Rotarians can help people dealing with grief in their lives. Photo courtesy of Katy Lindberg.