I find myself having to change how people de scribe me. I no longer want to be known as “the bald guy.” Last week, a comment was made to me about somebody liking a certain column in this …
I find myself having to change how people de scribe me. I no longer want to be known as “the bald guy.”
Last week, a comment was made to me about somebody liking a certain column in this newspaper. While there are a variety of columns in this newspaper that I consider to be excellent, there was one that was apparently considered to be more entertaining than the others. That column happened to be written by “the bald guy.”
I am the bald guy.
My entire life’s work has come down to being described by the lack of hair on my head. I have some hair, but I don’t feel like I have enough to work with. Some guys try to have a hairdresser work with heads like mine to give the appearance of having something going on. I could grow it from the side and have a nice combover. I could grow parts a normal length and be the picture of male pattern baldness. I, instead, choose to crop it close to the dome. It makes me look bald. Perhaps I should embrace my baldness. A lot of good men are bald, especially as I glance at the branches of my family tree.
I don’t really have a problem with being folically challenged. However, I’m going to work to change how people dscribe me. In college, I used to frequent a burger joint that when your order was up, they would yell out a description of you. For two years, I was “Large Man.” Between my junior and senior years, I went on a diet. When I returned to campus that fall, I was “Skinny Dude.” I guess I could be “Large Man” again, especially after this COVID-19 thing! COVID 20? That’s nothing. I had that by Christmas. But I choose not to be labeled by my belly.
I’m going to take this a different direction.
I know I will be able to change how I am described by people who don’t take time to learn my name. For just about all of my adult life, I have had facial hair. I went through the phase for a year or two where I just had a mustache, but it always looked kind of cheesy, so I have had to have a beard. Truth be told, this picture in this column is a fairly accurate reflection of who I am. I am usually with beard. I intend to make that my trademark.
For a few months, I shaved the beard. My mother shamed me into it. She always told me she hated my beard. But now we’ve had a couple Facetimes and a family Zoom or two, and she didn’t comment on my lack of facial hair.
So, it’s back to the beard.
When people glance at me and glance away, they no longer are going to say “bald guy.” They will say “bearded gentleman,” or something to that effect.
They won’t be able to call me the bald guy, because I am going to take evasive measure. I’m always going to wear a hat.
The bald guy is gone. The beard is taking over!