MYView

by John McLoone

It’s an interesting time we live in when a man halfway around the world is the reason that I celebrated with a few cold ones last week.

The internet rules the world these days. I’m guilty of letting it rule mine. Through the wonders of cable TV contracts, my home internet got upgraded to about twice as fast it used to be for half the amount of money. Now, I know how this works. When the bill comes, I have a feeling that I still won’t be at the $39.95 a month. The internet is faster – even through Wi-Fi – and I was paying $60 a month for the last plan.

I had to switch back to cable TV after an ill-fated attempt at satellite TV. The way all these sales pitches work is that you sign a contract for a really low rate and then little by little they bump you up. I got bumped up a lot faster in my satellite thing, and there were a lot of miscellaneous charges that I had to try furiously every month to get off the bill. It’s no secret that most big countries have outsourced their customer service to India.

I’m not being prejudiced, but man oh man, is this annoying. There’s just too much of a gap in communication, and halfway through most calls I had to demand to be sent back to America, and they’d always comply.

My last call went like this: Hello Mr. John, my name is Sam. I understand you are having a billing issue. Do you enjoy drinking The Beer Mr. John? My friends and I went out and drank The Beer over the weekend, Mr. John.”

“Ummm….I need to cancel my service.”

“Are you saying you would like to cancel your service Mr. John?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“OK Mr. John. Can I put you on a short hold, Mr. John while I review some things. What kind of beer do you like to drink Mr. John? My friends and I like to drink American beers Mr. John. Do you like The Budweiser?”

“Ummm….I need to cancel my service.”

“I understand you would like to cancel your service Mr. John. Can I put you on hold while I review some things.”

“That’s not necessary. Just cancel it. Click.” I (had to get off the line with Sam, because he was making me thirsty. I hit the fridge, popped a cold one and called up the cable company.

An hour later, a technician was at my house and I bid adieu to my experiment with satellite TV. Now, in addition to paying less than half for service – with a 36-month rate guarantee, I was excited. In fact, I was so excited that I just may have popped the tops on a couple more of those American beers.

I think Sam would have been proud of me.