By John McLoone
Community, News
Talking turkey

MY View

Any turkey that wants a safe refuge through the Thanksgiving holiday is welcome to take refuge with me.

I will offer them safe haven and keep them from the chopping block.

As long as they keep their gobbling at a low volume, their secret will be safe with me.

I love Thanksgiving. It’s great to take the day to sit back and express appreciation for all the opportunities we have in America. The first Thanksgiving in 1621 – yes, I looked it up – was a celebration of a bountiful harvest. The turkey was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it ended up as the centerpiece. Plus, they didn’t have cows around, so they obviously didn’t know how delicious beef can be. They would have been really thankful then.

Here’s the thing: I’ve got a list that I keep adding to of food I don’t like. I add things from time to time. The one benefit of getting is older is you don’t have to eat what you don’t want to eat. When our kids were young, my wife required me to model a certain behavior. I couldn’t not take some veggies, even though I never really liked them. When he was about 4 years old, my son famously announced at dinner that “guys don’t eat green things.”

“Where would he have heard that?” I asked as I scooped some peas on my plate and hit them with the butter and pepper, so they didn’t taste like peas anymore. “I’ll have a word with the daycare.”

Turkey has now made my list of things I don’t want to eat, though it doesn’t rank as high on the list as mushrooms, olives and bread and butter pickles.

As I’ve aged, I’ve gained a considerable amount of wisdom about things. Looking back on some things, it should have been clear to me decades ago. This has been my latest epiphany: Turkey is not tasty. It’s dry. It’s flavorless. I’ve made many a turkey in my day, and I always had to work overtime just to make that thing edible. I’ve injected marinade. I’ve cut up sticks of butter and wedged them under the skin. I’ve filled the thing with onions. Several years, I’ve wrapped it in bacon. I really don’t know what the bird itself tasted like, because I was full from eating the delicious coating.

The last few years, our turkeys have gotten smaller, as we’ve transitioned to being thankful for steers. They’ve truly made Thanksgiving a meal to remember. There’s no need to cover it with gravy. We still get a bird, but mainly because our kids always wanted to be sent home with my wife’s famous turkey dumpling soup.

We all have a lot to be thankful for this year. First of all, the fall elections are, for the most part, over. Despite our differences, we live in the greatest country there is. I honestly didn’t get outside much this summer, but I think it was a bountiful harvest. I was in the grocery store and the area where they keep their “green things” seemed full.

There were all kinds of turkeys. They’re cheap, so if you can get enough gravy, mashed potatoes and butter and maybe a nice side order of bacon, turkey might be fine. We already have plans, so we won’t be able to make it.

November 16, 2022